summer school

the heat is surpisingly
pleasing
the escapes, however,
are better

summer school is actually
enjoyable
but the time with my friends
is the best

who knew that
boring
time consuming
early- starting
summer school
would be my favorite part of summer?

I've been reunited with lost friends
brought closer to the best of them
and all because of
summer school.

wow
I never thought I'd hear that come out of my mouth...
but the truth is,
the best part of getting away from school
is getting to come back to it

why?

my heart throbs
my head aches
i can feel my blood pulsing through my veins
is it really that hard to say "i'm sorry"?
every word i've said,
i've meant
but now i'm finding out that you doubt your proclamations
my feelings are clear,
yours are not.
why does it hurt so bad?
when i say i love you,
it's "till death do we part"
but your "forever" is different than mine.
did i do something wrong?
well i'm sorry,
i'll change
but only if it's worth the effort
why did you lie to me?
if you were honest at first,
i wouldn't be hurting right now
remember when you asked me what love was?
remember my response?

love is when you say "wow, this is the most amazing person in the world; the
only one i want to be with; i would do anything for them"

well next time those words come out of your mouth,
mean it.
because as much as it hurts to hold it back,

its worth it

because broken hearts hurt much worse.

I LOVE LIFEEEE:)

all I have to say today is
LIFE IS GOOD!!
scratch that,
life is FLIPPIN' AMAZING!!!!

today was the best:
I got to spend time with my bf,
go to the mall
talk to the most amazing person in the world (that's you, Eden!)
and eat CAKE!!!

:))))

so yeah,
now I know what being truly "content" feels like:)
I LOVE YOU ALL!!!:)

bad dreams...

he loves me, he loves me not
he loves me, he loves me not

my little sister sings joyfully
as the petals fall daintily to the ground

"Ali, you try!"

but I change the words-
I love him, I love him not
I love him, I love him not

It's funny,
now I truly rely on the flower
to tell me how I feel

I love him, I love him not
I love him, I love him not

I'm down to the last row
and close my eyes

my lungs tighten
my stomach aches
my head is screaming
my heart nearly pounds out of my chest

I love him, I love him not
I love him, I love him not-

the last petal falls to the ground
and I awake breathlessly from the terrible dream-

I LOVE HIM!!!

gum

whenever you have it
everyone is drawn to you
everyone can tell that you have it
the sweet aroma gives you away every time

you hold on to it as tight as you can
but people take it
and you give it away
in hope of brightening someone's day
and at the end of your day
it's gone

and you don't realize
how much you need it
until you come face to face
with someone you care about

but you will get more soon
or someone else will give you some
or you might even take it without permission
and someone else will run out

but when you buy it,
it never really goes to you-
you don't get the satisfaction of acceptance
and you end up just freshening someone else's day

gum is a lot like happiness.

masks

I yawn
get out of bed
wash my face
"what mask should I wear today?"
all I know is that it has to do its job

it has to cover up the fact that I'm broken
the misery on my face
the tears streaming from my eyes

I have to seem perfect
or else I don't have a place

I'm falling behind
and I'm doing it to myself
slowly cutting off the air
so I can barely survive

someone save me
tell me I can do it
-and mean it

a smiling face will help for now
but how do I know
that they aren't just masks too?

mleh...

Isn't it strange
how a few words can ruin your day
or even one
even if its not a word at all


what about actions
don't they speak louder than words
they ruin my day all the time


its almost funny
how one second you will be
bouncing off the walls
madly in love
looking forward to tomorrow
loving life

and all of a sudden

you change into being
horribly depressed
on the verge of tears
clenching your stomach in hope to stop the butterflies from crashing angrily about


Its sad that I can let a simple
"mleh..."
turn my stomach inside out
make me feel like the world is crashing to an end
bring tears to my eyes
even though he said not to worry


it hurts that he had to say "mleh"
to get his point across

first day back

well...
I woke up this morning and realized
-I didn't want to wake up yet
and I went to school and realized
-I didn't want to be there
and I went to class and realized
-I didn't want the homework
and when they switched my seats
I nearly cried

but the faces were all the same
and we laughed
and we sang
and we rushed to class
and we talked about break
and said "i missed you!"
and gave hugs

and I came home and realized
-it's worth it

tomorrow

school starts
again
and we have homework
again
and there will be stress
and tests
and drama
and waking up early
and scheduled meals
but somehow
just the thought of seeing my friends
and rushing to class
and singing "GNO" at the top of my lungs in the hall
is enough to make me so excited
that I cant fall asleep:)


now if I could only be this excited about school every day...

Crappy sleep last night
woke up when it was still dark out
woke up to a horrible dream...


about math class.


how BORING is THAT??!
I never get any exciting dreams
that's so lame
no fair:(
and the sad part is that I tried to analyze it
so it didn't seem QUITE as boring..
no luck
best thing I could come up with is that I need to spend less time
focusing on the details
and perfecting everything
and just FINISH THE TEST.
and I guess that makes sense
cuz I AM a perfectionist...
hmmmm...

here it goes...

well this isnt MY idea...
it's my friend's...
she has one of these things and it's AMAZING
so I guess i'll give it a shot!
but its not going to be very elequent:/
hmmmm...
well, it's the thought that counts!
right??
well I guess you should know something about me,
so here it goes...
I talk loud to make up for the fact that I'm EXTREMELY boring,
I love my life and my friends and family with all my heart,
I enjoy long walks on the beach.... JUST KIDDING!
and I guess you will have to stay tuned for more!:)